The majority of us will suffer with anxiety and/or depression at least once in our lives’. If you are like me, you may have suffered it your whole life and believed, thoroughly believed, that it was normal and will pass as you grew up. The fact is, it didn’t… it got worse and if you are anything like me you would understand that the only time I would leave the house is when I have to – that is: when I do the school run.
However, this year I feel like my confidence has grown and slowly but surely I am breaking down that anxiety wall; brick by brick so hopefully one day, I can have the confidence to do things I have never even dreamed of because it was more of a nightmare. Things such as travelling… alone!
This year has been tremendous!
Not only have I done the school run for 3 years now, I have also gone places I haven’t before such as the Genting Arena to watch Disney on Ice for Mini Me’s birthday (you can read about that here). I have even taken her to two birthday parties now (see: Birthday Party Jitters: A Social Anxiety First) and Luke and I went to an awards ceremony (see: 1950’s Gangsters Hijacked the Awards Ceremony). What these things did have in common however is that I was always with someone, almost holding their hand, I did take Mini Me to the cinema this year by myself but MotherDear was the taxi service for that particular event. With my recent hospital scare, I didn’t want to be scared of the outside world anymore. I needed to try and smash that wall down with a ten tonne wrecking ball and you know what everyone, I did. I took my kids to the park – BY MYSELF!
It may not seem like such a huge accomplishment to some people but to me and my family, it was a huge step.
I treated the day as a school day.
I wanted to trick my mind like Derren Brown and change my way of thinking. If I gave myself a minute to think about it, analyse the whole process, then I would have talked myself out of it.
We got up, had breakfast, got dressed and went. Just like that. A full WHACK SMASH BOOM into that wall. What I did want to do is go early so we could have the park to ourselves. This wasn’t the case and maybe it was a good thing as a swarm of children wearing luminous jackets flooded the park followed by screaming and laughter. I did have to tell a couple of them now and again to be careful as they nearly knocked Little Man down the jungle gym’s steps. They both went on the swings which Mini Me loved as she kicked her legs out as hard as she could to get higher as Little Man swung gently next to her, watching the world pass by. The slide was his favourite. Mini Me went with him up the steps and helped him onto the slide each time as I waited at the bottom. He laughed as his bum slid down the silvery service and landed at the bottom into my arms. He was soon getting up and rushing to go again.
We stayed an hour which was longer than I had imagined I’d last. I then took them to the shop (again something I would never do) and grabbed a little shopping with a screaming toddler in a pushchair, begging me for chocolate.
Little Man had some lunch and fell straight asleep. I even grabbed myself some well-deserved zzzzz. The kids enjoyed their morning at the park and I felt a little more confident so a win – win! 🙂
Have you had anxiety? What did you do to help you get through it? Do you struggle with it now? Let me know in the comments 🙂
Babbling Mummy – xoxo